No Answers

Today Jeremy and Mark made the trip to UCLA. Waited 2 hours to been seen and walked away with no info. Yes the doctor confirmed the CT Scan showed no significant growth to the tumors (def glad about that). We asked about taking Nexovar and explained our trouble getting insurance approval. No magic answers could be provided. There was a clinical trial that is mid way thru that the doctor agreed Mark could possibly participate in during the next cycle. We were overlooked for this cycle. So we go back next month for another follow up. So tonight I find myself as I did in December combing the internet for information. With nervous energy comes hours of searching the internet for answers. Frustrated to say the least... and sails deflated.
For about a month or longer Mark has been having muscle and joint pain, etc so tomorrow he goes for a lab test. The muscle and joint pain could be related to liver. Tonight Mark started to have a new pain in his stomach (about an inch above the incision). Understandably he gets annoyed when he feels crappy. But although we fight it like you would not believe we are starting to realize we are going to need to roll with the punches... savor the good days since they out-weigh the bad. I had my Oprah ah-ha moment tonight when I realized each day offered to us what it was going to offer to us. Not in my control. I can't know what tomorrow will give us. Example last night Mark was the one up with the baby from 2a to 4a as I slept away... tonight he feels crappy and he went to bed at 8:30p. And tomorrow can only reveal itself when it happens. Planning is "peace out", live in the present, deep breaths, try to hone in the zen, stop talking to myself like a crazy person in front of my computer like I am doing right now and keep truckin'.